Phases of Change – Phase 2: Realization
The last couple of weeks, I’ve been writing about the psychology of change and how we can use this to understand ourselves and build our businesses as we change and grow into full fledged Do-Gooders.
When you are facing any kind of change in your life, you’ll experience several different phases of emotion. And because our emotions have such an impact on our work (we are heart-driven people, after all!), they will naturally impact on our ability to get things moving in our businesses.
The Change Curve (graph below) can help you understand why there are times when suddenly building your new life as a self-employed Do-Gooder feels hard and slow, and why sometimes it all suddenly comes much more easily to you. As we implement changes and begin to really understand them, our motivation and ability to perform at top levels increases. But your emotions and where you are on the Change Curve also can make you feel stuck if you don’t have the tools to move past them into the later phases of Change.
(If you missed them, you can read the last few posts on the Change Curve here.)
Today I want to focus on how to get yourself moving through Phase 2 – Realisation (or Realization for those of us in the USA!)
Once you have the moment of awakening and manage to move out of denial that your true purpose and authentic life is something other than the one you’re living, your motivation and activity actually increases for a short time. This is because suddenly, you need to do SOMETHING! Suddenly, just getting by and walking someone else’s path is no longer an option for you. You know you need to change something, and as soon as possible!
So realization gets you moving towards something – but it is a very uncomfortable place, too. At this point, you know something is wrong and you want to change, but the direction that you need to go is unclear. You’re suddenly surrounded by things you don’t like in your life. You can see the signs all around you that things aren’t the way you want or need in order to fulfill your potential and purpose. And all that discomfort can get you into a real panic.
If you recognize yourself as being in the Realization Phase, here are some tools to get you moving forward again:
- Talk it through. Find a trusted friend, coach, or mentor to help you really look at the reality of your situation and the opportunities and options you have in front of you. Don’t let the overwhelming feelings spiral out of control in your head!
- Find answers to your questions. Right now, because you’re in the beginning phases of change, there will be a lot of unknowns and unanswered questions that will feel a bit scary. Start doing some research, and thinking about what you want to do to take some steps towards changing your life. Find out what is possible, and knock of the easy “no way, not gonna happen’s!” out of your thinking as soon as you can.
- Start tracking your progress. It’s amazing how much we actually move forward without noticing it. Start keeping a successes log or journal, noting down your actions and process as you think through what you’re willing to change and the steps you’re taking to change them. Even if they are just a couple of bullet points in a notebook somewhere, you’ll be amazed when you look back at how far you’ve come!
- Give yourself some time. This phase requires you to really begin processing the reality of the changes you want to make in your life. This takes time. So give yourself permission to just think things through. Try not to rush it, if you can!
You’ll notice that your motivation and performance increases in this phase, and is likely to decrease as you move through the next few phases. Don’t despair! The good news is, with a few tips and tools we can get you moving through these phases very quickly, without getting you too depressed or feeling like giving up.
The great thing about the Change Curve is that just by raising your awareness of how you’re feeling about your new life and business as you build them, you will be able to progress through the phases of change much more quickly and painlessly than the average business builder. The important thing is to keep moving forward and don’t let the normal emotions of change get you stuck.
Next time, we’ll be talking more about the next two phases (Resistance/Anger and Letting Go) which is where some people just give up. But not you, Do-Gooder! We’re gonna get you through it, and you’ll be doing good before you know it!
In the comments below, I’d love to hear your strategies for motivating yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed and panicked. How do you get moving forward again?
Posted on 06/04/2012, in Coaching, Getting unstuck, Transitions and tagged change curve, getting unstuck, overwhelm. Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.
I appears you and I have a lot in common Rebecca. I am just starting my new company…in earnest this time. My #1 strategy for overcoming overwhelm is gratitude. It is impossible to have a panic attack while full of gratitude for everything. But, I love your suggestions especially about tracking success. Its easy to lose sight of what we’ve gained in the middle of chaos. Thanks for your insights.
Rebecca, what a great post – I’m looking forward to hearing more on this. My personal strategy is to drop the struggle against my emotions and breathe. I have found that tuning in to the wisdom of what my emotions (or my resistance) are trying to tell me, helps me to move through it even more quickly. XOXO
Indeed Nona! And the change curve helps us stop running away from our emotions in exactly that way. If we can just accept them as “part of the process” we can learn to live with them, be with with, and let them serve their purpose. Thanks for the comment!
Congratulations for sticking with your dreams, Patty! You’re so right that gratitude plays a huge role in this journey. Thanks so much for stopping by!!
I’m impressed with your work Rebecca! Thorough, uplifting, and the change curve is super! At one point in my coaching practice when I was only tracking revenues, it was disheartening, but as I began tracking impact and Intentional Activities the positive juice returned. Love the name Turning Stones too!
Great advice, Rebecca! My particular tactic is to focus in on the small things and to seek Beauty. Both can help the overwhelm seem to dissolve into something much more manageable.
Hugs and butterflies,
~Teresa~
Dear Rebecca,
It seems that you and I talk about a lot of the same things. (Although we have different takes on it.) It might be fun for us to do a podcast debating the steps in the process of change and how they function for people. I love your visual, BTW. It’s way fun. Great post!
Thanks Kelle! I’d love to talk to you more about doing some fun stuff together. Drop me an email when you get a chance and let’s get our heads together!
(rebeccatscoach at gmail dot com)
Great post Rebecca. I like how you break things down.
When I’m feeling overwhelmed and panicked I focus on how I want things to be and reach for any kind of better feeling thought.
I also find that breaking things things down into smaller pieces helps too.
How do I get motivated again? I do one thing at a time and stop trying to think of everything at once. I make lists so that I assure myself that I can only do one thing at a time, and check them off item by item. I also take a few minutes to breathe and center myself… and a half-hour to meditate if I’m feeling really panicked.
Great strategies, Hilary! It’s amazing the return you can get on a few minutes of meditation, isn’t it? Exercise is the same for me. It takes care of so much that I have to sometimes remember the value of investing just that little bit of time into that kind of thing. Thanks for stopping by!
A very detailed description of the process with a great visual. Very helpful information for everyone, for we all are in that place at one (or two!) time(s) or another.
This is a great post! I especially love this part: “just by raising your awareness of how you’re feeling about your new life and business as you build them, you will be able to progress through the phases of change much more quickly and painlessly than the average business builder”. It reminds me of something that Catherine Caine (www.cashandjoy.com) talks about with the spiral of progress – when you know that it’s a spiral and you recognize the stages, it isn’t “OMG, I thought I was already done with this! I’m a failure!”, it’s “Ohhh, I must be at *this* stage again. What did I do last time that helped? Oh, yeah, right…”
When I’m totally panicking, my best way to move forward is to start focusing on actual actions I can take. Once I know what to do, I can start moving forward, which at least helps me feel not so helpless and frustrated.
Thanks Michelle! I love the spiral analogy, too. We can get through just about anything if we can understand that it’s all part of a journey. Having these little tools can really help keep it all in perspective.
I love your strategy of focusing on what you CAN do, rather than what you can’t. Great stuff!
Rebecca, this is my first read on your blog, but definitely not the last! It’s so true that Realization can be active and still uncomfortable — for me in my business, it was really frantic! It prompted me to just START something, though, so I’m grateful. Great advice to start tracking your progress — that alone can be really motivating in a low spell.
Hi Jessica! Welcome to the blog! I’m so glad you stopped by and took the time to say hello.
It does seem to be that some of the “pain” is necessary….but what I want people to know is that it doesn’t have to last long! You can find strategies that help you push through the yucky stuff quickly. Great idea to just do anything when you’re feeling frustrated though. I do that, too!